Getting To Know Vincent Van Slow

1. You are by far the slowest buffalo on the team. How does this make you feel?

Actually, I don’t feel that bad about it…I know I make up for it in other ways…like my lack of power, athleticism and skill. Plus, I don’t think a BT should be judged based on his foot speed, he should be judged (as everyone should) on his relative attractiveness, sports team affiliations and (most importantly) quality of facial hair.

(Author's commentary: But seriously you're really slow.)

2. You are a thespian who hangs out with high school chicks all day. Are you on any lists we should know of?

No, no lists…that you should know of. But seriously, you won’t be laughing when I deliver the "Saint Crispian’s" speech from "Henry V" in one of my pre-game motivational talks!

(Saint Crispian? Love that guy almost as much as Saints Cracklian & Popian.)

3. What is your greatest BT moment?

When I was on second, Global was on first and Brett hit a short single to left. Global and I both jogged to the next base, but Brett rounds first and is heading for home…so naturally he gets caught in a pickle. So, being the good teammate I start hopping off third and draw a throw home and Brett gets back to first safely. Actually, that’s not the greatest moment, the greatest moment was when on this blog (in front dozens of my greatest fans) Brett gave credit for the saving his butt to Van. Thanks buddy!

(Did someone say give me your two greatest moments? Tone it down there Chatty Cathy.)

4. Have you been told you look like the love child of Kevin Youkalis and Willow?

Not since I shaved my head? Weird huh?

(After seeing Youk's wife I'm sure he'd never stray to sack up with Willow.)

5. Name two things you consider yourself to be very bad at besides slow-pitch softball and life.

I’d say being a teacher and husband, but that’s just too obvious! So, I’m going to go with anything having to do with babies…which reminds me, no babies at BT games (they freak me out)…and tolerating stupid people. (Which begs the question, why am I associated with the BT?)

(Uh the Tigers have been described as having stupid mad skillz by the younger set. I assume that's what you were insinuating when referring to the Tigers as stupid?)

6. If you had to choose to root of the Yankees or hit yourself in the nards with a sledgehammer, what would you choose?

Duh! Sledgehammer to the nards. Pain goes away, hatred for the Yankees lasts a lifetime!

(Sledgehammer pain doesn’t go away. You're right though it's still better than being a Yankee fan.)

7. Which one of the current or former Bayside Tiger’s is your favorite?

That’s a tough one, but I’m gonna go with Jessie. She’s hot! "Showgirls" was a big moment in my life!

(Solid answer from a guy that doesn't know any former Tigers.)

8. When was the first time you realized you had reached stardom with the BT’s?

When I was hanging out in the Hy-Vee entryway in front of the picture of Tracy telling people that I play softball with this guy…it was a Tuesday, I know because that’s what I do on Tuesdays…when a college chick walked by and said, "Cool." It was an awesome moment.

(Sweet, I knew college chicks would love us. This is sooner than I had hoped.)

9. If you beaned a batter on purpose and he charged, would you A) aggressively go after him B) lure him in then sucker punch him when he got close C) pray that Brett leg whips him before he gets to the mound D) run like a girl?

C then B and then D…but as established in Question 1, I’m not going to get away from him, so once he catches me, A. However, under no circumstances, if I win the fight (RIGHT!) will I spit on him! I’ve learned my lesson!

(The perfect answer)

10. If you could choose, how would you want to die?

The usual, I want to be raped to death by the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. Or fall off the Green Monster…while being raped by the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

(I think you don't fully understand what rape means. I do like your scenario though.)

Okay, so we are straying a bit from the typical awesome music videos, to play something very special for Vin.



As always, live once, get wet, then die.

Your beloved,
Bayside Tigers